Episode 10 - The Clyde is High
Opens in Glasgow at night. Devon, George, Billy and Gordon get out of a cab at Central Station and start running through the crowds to the platform..
Devon - Will you at least think about it?
George - No fucking way! We're not an oldies band.
Devon - It's one gig. As a favour to me?
Gordon - No dice.
George - And no Eagles. We haven't forgotten the Last of the Summer Wine care home for the sexually repressed, you know.
Devon - (agitated) Damn. Time?
Gordon - Five to nine!
Billy - Step it up lads.
Narrator - Have you ever tried sprinting in Cowboy Boots on wet tiles? It's not an easy sport but we are masters of the discipline. Honestly, if you put Ben Johnson in snakeskin Cubans, we'd give him a damned good race. However, he takes more drugs than us. Marginally. Our glorious leader is heading to London in an attempt to secure our future but is hoping to keep our options open by whoring us to the highest bidder on the oldies circuit. I like oldies. I listen to oldies. One day, I might be one but I don't fucking play them. I'm 19 years old and I am the hip swivelling, motherfucking future of rock.
Devon - Platform?
The band slow down enough to read the platform indicator boards. London Euston Sleeper...Platform...
George - One!
Gordon - Three minutes. Go!
The band dash onto the platform, just in time for Devon to board the train. Myra is already on board...
Myra - Devon! Guys! Here!!
Devon's bags are thrown through the open door as the manager leaps aboard in the nick of time. The guard blows the whistle and the train begins to pull off. Devon pulls the window down.
Billy - Good luck!
George - Get that deal!
Gordon - Don't come back without a signature.
Devon - Right, don't forget to water my plants.
Cut to Gordon drunkenly urinating in the corner where Devon's plant resided.
Devon - With water this time.
Gordon - Wilco.
Devon (to Billy and George) - And you two...you can take a little bit but do not...I repeat, do not go mental with (whispers) my stash.
Cut to George and Billy looking angelic.
Narrator - Who us?
The train pulls away...
Gordon, Billy and George wave him off.
George - And ...there he goes...
Quick cut to the three running out of the station, into a cab and speeding back to Devon's flat.
Cut to a breathless Myra and Devon, in their cabin, cracking open a bottle of wine.
Myra - Please don't tell me you left them in charge of ...everything?
Devon slugs from the bottle before looking at Myra.
Devon - That wasn't a good idea, was it?
Cut to Devon's flat. George rings the bell. Donny tentatively opens the door.
Donny - Is it safe?
The party kicks off.
Cut to gleeful Gordon, without trousers but still wearing a shirt, shades and cowboy boots finding bottle of Jack Daniels that Devon had hidden. He urinates into Devon's pot plant.
Cut to Deke lost in the music, dancing. Stevie and Brian are sitting on the sofa, each with a girl. Crawfy and Andy from the Molotov Cocktails are looking at a monster truck magazine. Thumbheid stands at the fridge, eating its contents. A young and pretty blonde girl shyly looks at Jim who catches her stare and smiles.
Narrator - While the cat's away...the mice will trash the gaff. But a mini celebration was in order. The exile was over. We were making gains in the city again... (Cut to gig at Sub Club...Small venue packed with very enthusiastic crowd) ... last Thursday at the coolest club in town in front of a sell out crowd. Hot, funky and rocking, what's not to love? Our nemesis, Campbell Baxter was in the States with his unfathomably successful bunch of soul gimps, leaving us clear to get cosy with the radio stations and the media again. Chrysalis Records loved the demo, heard about the Sub Club buzz and were clearly very interested. Yabba dabba doo. So, as Devon headed to London with a renewed vigour and sense of purpose, we did what we normally did.
Cut to Devon's bedroom. George follows Billy into the cluttered room.
Narrator - No wonder he rarely scores. This looks like a Gothic junk shop and smells like rancid fanny batter.
Billy - I think it's in here.
Billy removes a piece of skirting and puts his hand into the wall, pulling out a light blue bag. It looks as if it is illuminated.
George - Is this the London stuff?
Billy - Dunno.
George - Well, what do you think?
Billy - He did say we could have a bit.
George - As long as we don't go mental.
Billy - Goes without saying.
Billy proceeds to scoop out a tiny spoonful of the white powder and puts it on the glass table. They look at it, tentatively.
Billy - On you go.
George - You first. Age before beauty and all that.
Billy - Shitebag. Here goes.
Cut to train, Myra and Devon are getting more drunk
Devon (slurring) - You have to understand...I love those boys.
Myra - Me too. Chrysalis better fucking sign them. Or I will go mental.
Devon - Me too. We'll both go mental. I really don't want to go to plan B.
Myra - Plan B?
Devon - A contingency plan. If we don't get some money from the record company...
Myra - Don't say the oldies circuit?
Devon - No, that's just a couple of one offs for money. I have a fallback...
Myra - It won't get to that. The band deserve this. You deserve this.
Devon - The boys definitely do. They've worked so hard for their break. They've become disciplined, devoted and persistent. I bet they're huddled around a piano as we speak, writing new songs.
Myra - Aw...bless.
Cut back to party.
Narrator - Persistent, yes. As persistent as cockroaches and once we enter your domain, the results are invariably messy. Disciplined? Hmmm...
Petite blonde sitting on piano, speaks to Jim.
Blonde - I really like your band.
Jim - You've seen us?
Blonde - The Barrowland, the Fixx and the Sub Club last week, that was so brilliant...I've seen you everywhere in fact. I also have a tape of your songs.
Jim (impressed) - Cool.
Blonde - I'm from East Kilbride.
Jim - Wow! So am I.
Blonde (smiling) - I know.
Brian looks up from the sofa.
Brian - Great party big man.
Gordon gives Brian an exaggerated double thumbs up.
Brian - Has anyone seen George and Billy?
Donny - Isn't that them over there?
George and Billy walk back into the room, hyper.
George (fast) - You alright?
Billy (fast) - Yeah. You alright?
George - Yeah. (pause) You alright?
Billy - I'm alright. Do we look alright?
George (looking at Billy) - You look alright. Do I look alright?
Billy (looking at George) - You look alright. We both look alright. Alright?
George (shouts) - Alright.
Billy (excited, shouting) - I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG! (Prince- Kiss)
George - I fucking love Prince! I think I better dance now!
George and Billy start dancing maniacally.
Cut to the assembled party goers, some look appalled, most join in.
George - You're a fucking brilliant dancer, man.
Billy - Not bad moves yourself, young yin!!
Narrator - Freud once suggested that use of this now prohibited substance leads to an increased vitality and capacity for work. We'll see about that one, Beardy boy. One thing about taking class A narcotics is that although you believe that you're the ruler of the entire omniverse, you never quite realise that you're acting like the unfunny muppet that didn't make the cut on Sesame Street. If alcohol loosens your inhibitions, cocaine absolutely obliterates them, replacing them with the same kind of intense feeling you've not had since Christmas morning when you were 7. So, if it's good enough for the horny Austrian doctor...
Cut to Billy and George giving Donny a little taste...
George - Keep this to yourself mate...
Camera pans to a queue of drug hungry party goers outside of Devon's bedroom.
Narrator - Thanks a lot, Donny.
Cut to sleeper train guard announcing that the train is arriving in London, a dishevelled and hung over Devon and Myra wake - naked - in the same bunk.
They look at each other in horror.
Cut back to the flat, it's late morning and the clear up is underway. Brian is cooking a late breakfast while Gordon talks to Billy and George about the previous nights excesses.
Gordon - You'll never catch me putting that shite into my body.
Gordon picks up a large roll filled with dripping, fried food, takes a bite and washes it down with a cold beer.
Gordon - That's a fast track to addiction boys...(gets up still trouserless and puts his jacket on)
Narrator - He has a point.
Billy - Where are you off to?
Gordon - Bookies. I'll be back soon.
George - You've forgotten your...never mind.
Narrator - I'm really glad Gordon is around to point out those compulsive pitfalls we face. Pity his memory isn't as strong as his willpower. Let's rewind an hour.
Cut to Billy and George standing over Gordon.
George - You alright big man?
Gordon groans.
Billy - Why are you lying on the floor?
Gordon - Ermm...it looked lonely so I'm giving it a cuddle...
Cut back to the flat.
Billy and George look at each other and laugh.
Billy - Last night? (shakes his head and exhales)
George - Devon is going to kill us, you do know that?
Billy - Don't worry, there's plenty left...
Cut to bedroom, Billy holds the bag. There is a considerable difference between last night and today.
Billy - Shit.
George - Do you think he'll notice?
Narrator - In the list of stupid quotes to have been faxed from my brain to my mouth, this one would surely rank in the top five, all time.
Donny walks in.
Donny - Wow. Is that all that's left?
Billy and George nod.
Donny (laughs) - You guys are fucked.
Billy and George nod again.
Donny - Unless...
Narrator - Unless what...
Donny - ...I speak to Jimmy the Moose.
Billy - Who the fuck is Jimmy the Moose?
Donny - Well...
Narrator - Born into a military family, the closest Churchill McArthur James to give him his full name, got to active service was 2 months in the Boys Brigade from which he was turfed out for illegally adapting his uniform. (cut to kid using pen knife to undo stitching and remove sleeves). This was a guy who definitely got his cooking badge, if you know what I mean. Part time roadie, part time chemist. Full time character. Donny's go to guy. Not much of a recommendation but at this stage we were edging towards panic.
Cut to Narnia Recording studios, an engineer is listening to playback intently. The camera focuses on a diminutive figure standing near the back of the room. It pulls up from his motorcycle boots, a bullet belt and up to his sleeveless t-shirt to the back of his head. He has a brown Ramones style haircut. The camera closes in on his face. He has a wispy moustache, friendly, slightly gormless smile and heavy lidded eyes.
George (whispers) Why's he called Jimmy the Moose?
Donny - He looks like one of those wee moose things from that movie.
George - Tom and Jerry?
Donny - No...Gremlins.
George - They weren't mice.
Donny (baffled) - So, what the fuck were they then?
Billy - Eh...Gremlins...
Jimmy - Hey Skull man!
Donny - Jimmy. These are my friends. We'd like your opinion on something.
Jimmy - Shoot!
George whispers to Billy
George - Look at the size of his fucking hands!
Billy - Jesus!
They sit down at a table and enter into a discussion.
Jimmy - Ok, take me to it.
Cut to upmarket record company office in London, Devon and Myra sit opposite the executive and his assistant as the demo finishes. The executive is bald, chunky and is wearing a polo neck sweater. The assistant is female, red headed wearing a baggy, bright orange shirt.
Devon - Good, eh?
Executive gets up from his seat, looks out of window, distracted but nodding his head.
Executive - So, what do you want from us?
Devon and Myra look at each other.
Devon - We were thinking...a 5 album deal and an advance of £100,000?
The executive laughs. The assistant laughs.
Myra - What did you think of the songs? You liked them, yes?
Executive - I've heard good things about the band and the demo has promise but...
Devon - But...?
Executive - 5 albums, a hundred grand? That's a big commitment. I think the deal...a deal is possible but...
Myra - But?
Executive - We need to know that the band share the same vision as us.
Assistant - The same vision as us.
Devon - Definitely. (pauses) Just for talking sake, what is your vision?
Executive - First the band has to relocate here...
Devon - That's not a problem.
Executive - And change the name. White? (shakes head). What about ...Wipe?
Assistant - Wipe...Wipe is good.
Devon - Erm...
Executive - We will need a little more synthesiser and some dancier beats if we're to sell this. This is the way forward. No gimmicks. We've got a guy who worked with the Pet Shop Boys, he can redo the demo. And get rid of the bass player. He looks weird.
Narrator - Says the bald guy with the turtleneck. You look like a fucking roll on deodorant.
Assistant (agreeing) - He does look weird.
Narrator - Says the cheesy Wotsit.
Devon - Ok...
Myra (shocked) - What?
Executive - So, we'll come up to Glasgow and see you live before we make our final offer. Arrange a showcase and let us know. Within the month. OK? Are we good??
Devon - OK!
Executive - See you in chilly Jockoland then!
Cut back to Devon's flat. Gordon opens the door, still trouserless.
George - Gordon, this is Jimmy..
Gordon shakes hands with Jimmy.
Billy takes Jimmy into the room as Gordon looks at his own hands before grabbing George.
Gordon (quietly) - Look at the size of his fucking hands!
Billy and George show Jimmy the stash.
Jimmy tests it by licking one of his enormous fingers and dabbing it in the bag.
Narrator - Fucking hell mate. Leave some for us.
Jimmy - Where did you get this?
George - It belongs to our manager. We need to rebuild the bag, so to speak.
Jimmy - Not this.
Jimmy dabs again.
Jimmy - This is (tastes) 81...no, 82% pure.
Billy - We were thinking of bulking it up, cutting it with flour, a bit of speed...
Jimmy (outraged) - Would you paint a moustache on the Mona Lisa? Would you mix cowbell with Chopin? Gentlemen! What we have here is a Faberge Egg, 3 Michelin stars...
Gordon - So, it's good?
Jimmy (serious) - I would like to take this with me for further analysis.
Billy snatches the bag back from a disappointed Jimmy.
Billy - Calm the ham. This is all that's left and if we don't have at least double this amount, Devon is going to kill us.
Gordon - What do you mean 'us', white man?
Cut back to London, Myra and Devon leave the Chrysalis building.
Devon looks at his watch.
Devon - Lunchtime. Drink?
Myra (grabs Devon) - What happened in there?
Devon - What?
Myra - The plans for the band? The name? Synthesisers? Getting rid of Billy? And you were agreeing with him? What were you thinking?
Devon - It's a starting point for negotiations, Myra. That's all.
Myra - The band are going to kill you.
Devon - Don't worry. I have this covered.
Devon walks into a phonebox, Myra stands by the door listening.
Cut back to the flat. The phone rings.
Donny shouts...
Donny - London Calling!
Billy and George look worried. They shush each other.
George - Don't say a thing.
Billy picks up the phone.
Billy - So, how did it go?
Devon (cagey) - Good...good. How are you guys? Not partying too hard, I hope?
Billy puts his hand over the receiver.
Billy - He knows.
George - Oh no!
Billy - So, did we get the deal?
Devon - We're close. Yeah. Close.
Billy - That's good, right?
Devon - Positive.
Billy - Ok. Anything else going on?
Devon - No, with you?
Billy - You know that stuff...
Devon (mock anger) - I fucking knew it! How much did you take?
Billy - I don't know. How much was in it?
Devon - What??? There was at least ten grams in that bag.
Billy - Oh...
Devon - Jesus!!! Was the bag was blue?
Billy - Yeah, light blue.
Devon -You fucking owe me. Big time.
Billy (sheepish) - Sorry Devon. George says sorry too.
Devon - I might have known that dopey prick would have helped you. I can't leave you for a fucking minute...
Myra looks perplexed. Devon shakes his head to allay her concern.
Devon - You now owe me £800. And I know exactly how you can pay me back.
Billy puts the phone down.
Gordon - Well, did we get the deal?
Billy - I think we're going to need a bigger advance.
Jimmy - I have an idea...
Cut back to the phone box.
Myra - What happened?
Devon - I knew they'd total the blue bag. That's why I left it partially hidden. The real good stuff, the fallback...plan B, is in the pink bag. And that's well stored away...deflect Myra, deflect.
Myra - You don't secure the deal but you turn it back onto them and make them feel beholden to you? You should move into politics.
Devon - If they owe me, they'll either have to rebuild Buck Rogers Burger Bar, free of charge or play this oldies gig. If they play the oldies gig, the bar gets a late licence and that means a hefty commission for me. And, it buys us some more time.
Myra - What do you mean 'us', white man?
Cut back to alleyway. The band stand outside of a strange looking van.
Gordon - Please don't tell me you have a Great Dane in there?
Jimmy looks at Gordon, clearly not getting the Scooby Doo reference. Jimmy shakes his hair and opens the door.
They enter.
George - Jesus.
Gordon - Wow.
Billy - It's massive.
George looks outside then back in.
The interior of the van is freakishly bigger than the exterior. It impressively decked out with a bed, TV lounge, kitchen and storage for equipment.
Jimmy - Sit down guys.
The band sit.
George - So, what's the plan?
Jimmy strokes his moustache.
Jimmy - You've got 2, maybe 3 grams of that fine stuff left, haven't you?
Billy removes it from his pocket. Jimmy weighs it.
Jimmy - 3.43 grams to be precise. If you give me the remainder, I'll take a taste for myself, bulk up the rest and sell it for a tasty profit. To be split 50/50 of course.
George - Hmm...
Billy - Nah, you'll need to do better than that.
Gordon - How about you take 2 grams, cut it then we'll take a 70/30 split?
Narrator - Welcome to the party superfly, kingpin Gordy!
Jimmy thinks about it before stroking his moustache.
Jimmy - I like you guys. You're ok. I get the whole leg gimmick man, it's all cool. (cuts to Gordon, who now realises that he is still not wearing any trousers) It's the eighties, right? Ok, I'll take 2 grams, we'll go 50/50 and I'll be your roadie for a gig of your choice.
George (points to the van) - In this?
Jimmy - Sure.
Gordon - Five gigs
Jimmy - Three.
The band look at each other.
Billy - Deal.
The band high five with Jimmy.
Jimmy - Let's go back to your place and party, eh?
George - We'll have to take a raincheck...
Narrator - Much as we liked Jimmy, the rock Gremlin, he was one moose you didn't want loose aboot your hoose. As for feeding him after midnight...
Gordon - You don't have a spare pair of strides handy, do you?
Cut to Devon in London pub on payphone.
Devon - So, the Rooftops is free next Friday? Book it. Don't worry about the oldies gig. They're doing it. Yes, you'll get your late licence. Do you still want someone to fix up that warehouse full of chairs you bought? I'll know just the couple of desperadoes to do it. Don't forget our deal...nice one.
Devon walks to the table where Myra sits.
Myra - So, how did it go?
Devon (sips drink) - Gig's booked for next Friday, Chrysalis will be there, boys will be ready and it's thank you very much. What could possibly go wrong?
Myra stops drinking and looks at Devon.
Cut to Glasgow night time, Billy, Gordon and George are entering Mondo's nightclub. Most people queuing up are dressed in 60's and 70's style clothing.
Mondo - Hey guys! How's it going? How did it go with Chrysalis?
Gordon - Looks like we've got a shot. Next Friday, Rooftops.
Mondo - I'm there, man!
Billy (looking around) - What's going on tonight?
Mondo - Retro night. It's what the people want, you know. Simpler times, Oldies, classics...that kind of thing.
Narrator - And that's when it hit me. People are always looking back and idealising the past like the line from that movie...you know the one. The past is a foreign country. They do things different there. A place they were happy, free...young. There's not one of us that doesn't give in to that feeling, even occasionally. No matter how it's triggered or how you rage against it, once it's unlocked, it can be remarkably potent, carrying you through the ages. Don't take too much or you may forfeit the present but a rare taste...It may be an old picture, it may be someone's essence...it might even be a song you'd forgotten. Let your guard down for a second and you're lost in the aether.
Cut to dancefloor, everyone in the club is enjoying the moment. The song playing is Grace Jones 'La Vie en Rose'
Billy, Gordon and George stand beside the balcony overlooking the dance floor. They clink their glasses as they enjoy the atmosphere.
Narrator - This is one such moment.
George - You did bring the blue bag?
Billy looks at George and smiles.
Narrator - And...there it goes.
Cut to the trio moving maniacally on the dance floor.
Mondo takes the mike...
Mondo - Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for our special guest DJ.
George (unnaturally excited) - Guest DJ? Woooo!!!!!!
Gordon (slightly agitated) - Who is it? Who is it?
Mondo - Give a big Mondo's welcome to ...
Billy - The suspense is killing me!
Mondo - MR SUPERBAD!
A large cheer goes up. A large bald, black man carrying a cane, wearing a red pimp suit and a white hat appears.
George (cheering) - Woooooo!
Billy - Woooo!
Gordon - Wooooo! Hang on...who the fuck is Mr Superbad?
George and Billy stop, look at Gordon then all three laugh before continuing to whoop, shout and bounce.
Cut to the next morning.
George, Gordon and Billy are coming down from the previous nights excesses, sitting together on a couch in Devon's flat.
Breakfast is being cooked by a barely dressed, stunning girl. Another hot girl is tidying the flat. An American voice bellows out.
Voice - So I hit him hard (thumps the counter, making the band jump) we made our escape and that was the last time I saw Richard Burton. God rest him.
Mr Superbad is eating a breakfast roll.
Mr Superbad - Can I give you some advice? You boys ought to take it a bit easier with the hard stuff. You can party all you like once you make it. Look at me, nothing stronger than herbal tea and some fine women.
Narrator - He has a point.
Mr Superbad - I've got to go. Playing in Fort William tonight. Some wine bar.
Gordon - Make sure you get your money up front.
Mr Superbad - Of that, there is no doubt. Stay righteous boys.
Mr Superbad leaves with the girls.
A collective sigh goes up.
George - When's Devon due back?
Sound of key opening door.
Devon arrives with Myra.
Devon - So, you have just over a week until the biggest gig of your lives.
Gordon - Rehearsal rooms booked for lunchtime.
Devon - I'll deal with you two later.
Narrator - Round up the usual suspects.
Cut to Jim being dropped off by petite blonde, Deke arriving on motorbike. Stevie walking in.
Narrator - So, we rehearsed. And rehearsed. No corners cut this time. All bases covered. What could go wrong?
Cut to Rooftops, evening of gig. Devon and the band arrive for soundcheck.
The band sit waiting for the sound man to rig up the equipment. Two large spectacle wearing, country boys walk in with guitars. They look slightly out of place in the rock venue.
1st Country boy - Hey, is this the place for the soundcheck?
Devon - And you are?
2nd Country boy - We're the Proclaimers.
Devon - The what?
Jim gets the attention of George.
Jim - I need to talk to you and the guys.
George (not paying much attention) - Look at the state of them!
The country boys bump into tables as they head to the stage.
Jim approaches Billy and Gordon, both of whom are tuning up.
Jim - Lads, I need to speak to you about something.
Gordon is deep in concentration.
Billy's mind is elsewhere too.
Billy - Can it wait?
Jim - I suppose so.
The Proclaimers start playing...then singing.
Devon - What the...they're singing in .... broad Scottish!
Gordon (shocked) - Jesus.
George - That's weird sounding.
Billy - I like it.
Cut to back stage just before the gig.
Devon - Well, the country lads went down quite well but this is your town, your crowd.
The Chrysalis execs walk in to wish the band luck.
Myra - This is your chance.
Narrator - Here we go. Fame, fortune...just behind the curtain, boy.
Cut stage, (slow motion) band playing well. George is looking around at the crowd and his band rocking the venue, thoroughly contented.
Narrator - Sometimes, it would be nice to freeze the frame and leave it there. Enjoy the moment. Like Butch and Sundance, just before they're blown to bits by Bolivians. Have you ever heard of Devon Loch? Funnily enough, our manager was named after him. He was a horse who ran in the Grand National of 1956. Forty yards from the end, he was lengths ahead and was about to win the biggest prize of his horsey life.
George looks up to the balcony at the crowd enjoying themselves.
Narrator - And inexplicably, he fell.
Cut to the back of a males head, spitting at George. The camera follows the arc of the spit as it flies through the air before landing on George's face.
George stops singing, turning away in shock. The band look at him, bewildered. Gordon spots the perpetrator and points. Billy shields his eyes from the lights as he looks toward the balcony. A scuffle breaks out as Crawfy and Mondo angrily head towards the area. As the shock subsides, rage kicks in and George begins to climb the P.A. stack in an attempt to get to the balcony and the perpetrator. The gig descends into farce.
Narrator - And that's why everyone remembers Devon Loch.
Cut to backstage. Devon is arguing with the security team as Chrysalis stand in the background.
The band is huddled around an upset George who is cleaning his bloodied knuckles.
Chrysalis execs approach Devon.
Devon (shouts) - You what??? You're signing the fucking Proclaimers?
Executive - They're exactly what we're looking for. White are just a little too...rock and roll for us.
Devon - Do they share your vision? What about changing their names? Drum machines? Are you getting rid of the odd looking one of that band? Well, good fucking luck with that. Arse. Hole.
Myra pulls Devon away.
George is distraught as the deal drifts away.
George - I'm sorry boys...I just...
Gordon - Hey, don't worry. It's not your fault mate.
Billy - You did what any of us would have done.
Jim - Yeah. Fuck Chrysalis.
Billy - Jim, you wanted to talk to us about something earlier.
Jim- It can wait.
Cut to band packing gear away...
Narrator - Turns out it couldn't wait. Jim and Deke have been offered terms with the Scottish National Youth Orchestra. They leave on Monday for a tour of Europe. The failure of the Chrysalis deal just confirmed for them the direction they were heading. To be honest, I don't blame them. One quickly tires of cat fights, shotguns and attempted assaults. No harm, no foul lads. You served with distinction.
Cut to Devon's car, the remaining members of the deflated band are being dropped off. Each of them in turn ask George if he's OK.
Narrator - Myra later found out that Chrysalis were always going to sign The Proclaimers. They just wanted a local band that could bring a crowd. Thanks a lot. They could have told us that at the beginning. Still hurts but the impact is lessened if you haven't built up your hopes too high. Like asking someone to replace their steel toe cap with a slipper before they kick you in the stones.
George arrives at his flat. Donny and Brian have just returned from their gig and are unpacking their gear.
They are excited to see George, asking about the gig and the deal.
George shakes his head and walks into his bedroom. He turns on his lamp and puts a record on the turntable.
Cut to Brian and Donny slowly entering George's dimly lit room. They pass George a bottle of beer and sit on his bed in silence, listening to the music playing.
Narrator - This must be what it feels like when you get dumped for another guy. Not that I'd know how that feels, being a rock god and all. A couple of pertinent questions remain. In the future, will Chrysalis be adversely affected by the internet boom? Who cares? The Proclaimers won't. Something tells me that the farm boys will do just fine. Will the defections affect the future of the band? Will it fuck. Will the rejections affect my confidence? What do you think? (cut to George grinning) Only one problem remains though...
Cut to warehouse, thousands of plastic chairs and tables as far as the eye can see. Two figures in overalls and masks are sanding down and spray painting every individual item.
Billy (voice) - Would playing a few Eagles songs really have been worse than this?
George (voice) - Shut up and keep sanding.
End.
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